


on my own now

by madanach



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), Winner (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Texting, solo debuts~
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 08:27:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17158637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madanach/pseuds/madanach
Summary: +82 XX XXX XXXXJennie-yah~~ ☺️☺️ have you arrived? We are neighbors today!





	on my own now

20181201 Show! Music Core  
MINO (송민호) - ‘아낙네 (FIANCÉ)’ debut

 

In the car on the way to Music Core, when she’s brute-forcing her way through a Flick Ball level that’s been giving her trouble and biting a bump into the front of her tongue, Jennie gets a text from an unknown number.  

She stares at the preview of the message as her little yellow ball shrieks and falls down to the bottom of the screen.

        +82 XX XXX XXXX: _Jennie-yah~~_ ☺️☺️ _have you arrived? We ar…_

The car hits a small dip in the road. The driver apologizes, and she murmurs back a nothing sound as she racks her brain, trying to think of who has her number that she doesn’t know. All of her contacts are synced through a million different clouds, and her friends would be texting her through Katalk.

She looks at the message until it disappears, the banner slipping upwards into nothingness. Then she tries to get back to her game, but her rhythm’s all off, so she locks her phone and stares out the shadowed window at the crowded streets until they arrive.

 

It doesn’t click until she’s backstage, ushered into her dressing room and then left alone to get her bearings in the too-cold room. There are enough makeup chairs for a full group and a sleek green couch pressed against the back wall, a coffee table covered with magazines stylishly askew in front of it. She sits dutifully in the first plush seat, tucks her phone between her knees and pulls over the program.

Her own name is in the middle of what looks like a hundred others, and she lets her eyes blur over it as she reaches for the sheet of printer paper paperclipped on top and sees, smeared with yellow highlighter in the middle of the crumpled schedule, MINO — FIANCÉ — COMEBACK STAGE.

_Oh_. She scrambles for her phone, swipes into her messages.

**+82 XX XXX XXXX** Jennie-yah~~ ☺️☺️ have you arrived? We are neighbors today!

She sends back _just got here_ (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ·ﾟand drops her phone onto the table, exhaling.

“Jennie?” Her manager’s voice. She turns to the door and nods in greeting as he introduces the stylists, and she stands and lets them press forward with their fake pearls and their rippling, creamy silk. As they dress her, she watches the edges of the room, wondering what the protocol is for all this: sunbaes and solos and Minho, who she never really got to know.

 

She doesn’t run into him until later, after they’ve both performed, when she’s getting itchy in her lopsided costume and waiting for the last stages to wind down so they can call awards. It felt wrong to hide in her dressing room, but she’s regretting the choice to stay out — all the groups have wandered off, and there’s no one by the big screen she feels comfortable talking to. 

Right as she’s giving up, deciding that the veil of nonchalant maturity isn’t worth it, Minho slinks out of the back rooms in his second outfit. He’s wearing a suit over floral spandex, lit more by the hallway lights than whatever filters in from the stage.

She catches his eye on accident, then hurriedly stares down at the floor. No luck: he walks over.

“Jennie,” he calls, and she takes a deep breath before raising her head.

“Oppa,” she says. “Hi.”

He gets politely close, angling himself towards her but not blocking the doors or the live feed.“How have you been?” he asks. She can’t see very well — backstage is kept dark —but he sounds genuine. He’s always been nice to her.

“I’ve been good,” she says, feeling herself smile, instinctive and picture-perfect.

“I saw your stage,” he says. Someone crosses behind him, murmuring apologies, and he steps forward, touching her shoulder briefly with his strange gloved fingers before stepping back into his own space. “You look really good. You’ve got this solo thing down.”

She laughs a bit, caught off-guard. “Solo. Yup.”

He’s grinning, his teeth catching the moving stage lights. “Sorry. It was calling me.”

“You’re not the first,” she says. “You won’t be the last.” Then she remembers that he complimented her. “You looked good too. I love your song.”

It’s not a lie — she likes the whole album, how brash and individual it is, far far far from her comfort zone. Her own tastes are safer and softer, but she’s not writing yet anyway, so she doesn’t think it matters. She almost says it out loud, but the moment passes.

“Thank you,” Minho says. “I was kinda nervous, but whatever. I remembered the lyrics.”

“You were nervous?” She almost blurts it, at the last moment reeling her tone back to _politely curious_. She regrets it as soon as she says it. He’s not a rookie anymore, but solo debuts are solo debuts.

“So nervous,” he says, the last syllable coming out as a huff. “I always think, like,” he starts, and then stops. He rolls his neck. “Like, what if I trip?”

“Oh my god,” she says, and then presses her fingers against her mouth. “ _Me too_.”

“Right? And I’m not even wearing heels.” He shakes his head long-sufferingly. “You’re a champion.”

“It’s not that bad,” she says, muffled behind her hand. A laugh is threatening to bubble up. His lip piercing glints as he smiles.

“I’ll take your word for it,” he says, and then he’s being pulled away by the PD for his second performance, opening his eyes wide and stunned at her as he goes.

She lets the laugh slip out, alone in the shadows, comfortable for once.

 

20181202 Inkigayo   
JENNIE (제니) - ‘SOLO’ second win

 

Her headache won’t go away.

She’s worn out, and the outfit they’ve got her in keeps slipping, and there have been mic problems all day, just little volume slips that make her anxious, but the headache is the worst. She doesn’t want to take anything else for it — she still has to perform — but it’s pounding at her temples loud enough that she can hear it, her blood taking too much glee in flowing.

“Jennie-ssi?” asks her stylist with a pout. “Are you okay?” Her voice is grating. It hurts Jennie’s ears.

“Fine,” she says. They’re caking on the makeup today, trying to put a bit of color back in her cheeks. “Just a little tired.”

“Alright,” says her stylist, clearly doubtful. Jennie doesn’t even have it in her to be irritated — she just wants the day to be over. She glances up at the clock on the wall and counts down.

“Soon,” she says quietly. Then she looks down, meets her stylist’s eyes in the mirror. “Right?”

“Two more performances before you,” the stylist says. Jennie looks at her plump cheeks and perfect makeup and realizes that she’s also young. She pats Jennie’s hair awkwardly, like she’s trying to be reassuring, then seems to remember their technical power imbalance. Jennie feels a sudden rush of guilt.

She looks down at her hands. Maybe she should make small talk. The pounding in her head makes it hard.

“Tilt your chin up,” says the kind stylist. Jennie goes quietly.

 

Standing on stage in front of all of the other idols, cameras swirling around and the MC’s chirping cheerily, she hopes for a brief moment that she doesn’t win. She’s a bit dizzy; she can’t remember what she had prepared; number one is nice, but it doesn’t have to be today.

Like it was ushered along by her momentary lapse of thought, her name is called. She thinks, _Oh, oh — smile_ , and reaches out, takes the mic that is given her.

As she tries to pull together people to thank, a figure sways into her vision. Minho, grinning, yelling out.

She hiccups and segways seamlessly into her speech.

 

20181206 Mcountdown  
MINO (송민호) - ‘아낙네 (FIANCÉ)’ first win

 

**Jennie 18:53** congrats on the win oppa!!  
        **Jennie 18:53** you deserved it 🌟💕  
**Minho-oppa 18:55** (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄)  
**Minho-oppa 18:55** Thank you jennie!!  
**Minho-oppa 18:56** Graciously conceding your crown for one night  
**Minho-oppa 18:56** Dw i’m sure you’ll be back on top tomorrow,,,  
**Jennie 18:57** day after haha  
**Jennie 18:57** we’ll see!! the competition is strong!  
**Minho-oppa 18:58** Dont go easy on me  
**Minho-oppa 18:58** My members say my head’s too big already  
**Jennie 18:59** 😂😂😂

 

**JINU-OPPA** 🌸 **19:00** Destroy him  
**Jennie 19:00** omg  
**JINU-OPPA** 🌸 **19:00** You have my blessing

 

**Minho-oppa 19:04** See..  
**Jennie 19:05** wow  
**Jennie 19:05** i will keep that in mind!!!!

  

20181208 Music Core   
MINO (송민호) - ‘아낙네 (FIANCÉ)’ second win

 

When all the cameras are on them and the numbers are rolling up and Jennie feels small and sore and tired, a little bit anticipatory, a little bit sick, Minho turns away from the crowd to make her laugh.

  

20181209 Inkigayo  
MINO (송민호) - ‘아낙네 (FIANCÉ)’ third win

 

“JENNIE!” Minho howls outside her dressing room, through the closed door.

“OPPA!” she shrieks back, feeling the tension drain out of her shoulders all in a rush.

 

181212 Show Champion   
MINO (송민호) - ‘아낙네 (FIANCÉ)’ fourth win

 

**Jennie 18:53** CONGRATS!  
**Jennie 18:53** CONGRATS CONGRATS CONGRATS!  
**Jennie 18:54** fiancé, queen of all she surveys 👑  
**Jennie 18:54** long may she reign  
**Minho-oppa 19:04** Ahaaa <33  
**Minho-oppa 19:04** But what about solo!! her dashing older sister  
**Jennie 19:10** older??? no no  
**Jennie 19:10** her baby sister  
**Jennie 19:10** just a kid  
**Minho-oppa 19:12** Ah but you debuted first  
**Jennie 19:13** technicalities, oppa  
**Jennie 19:13** fiancé is spiritually very old.  
**Minho-oppa 19:17** 😂😂😂😂😂  
**Minho-oppa 19:18** Jennie-yah thats my DAUGHTER  
**Jennie 19:21** i know!!!  
**Jennie 19:21** she is my wisest unnie  
**Jennie 19:21** i am learning a lot from her  
**Minho-oppa 19:22** Oh that’s sweet  
**Minho-oppa 19:25** I hope you forgive her for stealing your spotlight sometimes  
**Minho-oppa 19:25** It wouldve been cool if we weren’t always vs each other  
**Jennie 19:27** i don’t mind  
**Jennie 19:27** it sounds like i’m just saying that but im not lol.  
**Minho-oppa 19:27** Thats good  
**Jennie 19:27** having company is nice  
**Jennie 19:28** i’m used to being with bp  
**Jennie 19:28** it was weird at the beginning  
**Jennie 19:28** being alone. haha   
**Jennie 19:29** being solo~~~  
**Minho-oppa 19:32** I get it  
**Minho-oppa 19:32** It’s always weird  
**Minho-oppa 19:33** Thats probably not good advice hah  
**Minho-oppa 19:33** You get better at it  
**Minho-oppa 19:33** And u figure out what parts of it become routine  
**Minho-oppa 19:33** So that you have more energy for the challenges  
**Jennie 19:37** i think i’m feeling that  
**Jennie 19:38** i think i’m getting there  
**Minho-oppa 19:38** Do whatever you do to disconnect  
**Minho-oppa 19:38** Thats the main deal  
**Minho-oppa 19:38** Dont think about it when you don’t have to be  
**Jennie 19:39** ugh i try  
**Minho-oppa 19:41** Yeah lol  
**Minho-oppa 19:41** In the middle of promotions it’s basically impossible  
**Minho-oppa 19:43** But still. try your best to take care of yourself  
**Jennie 19:50** i am thank you 💕  
**Minho-oppa 19:52** I learned the hard way,,,,  
**Minho-oppa 19:52** Don’t make my mistakes!!! Thats what sunbaes are for!!!  
**Jennie 19:53** gotcha!  
**Jennie 19:53** i’m v.2!  
**Jennie 19:53** new and improved!  
**Minho-oppa 19:55** Harder better faster stronger  
**Jennie 19:55** hahahahahhahahahahaha oppa NO

 

20181215 Music Core   
MINO (송민호) - ‘아낙네 (FIANCÉ)’ fifth win

 

They’re both waiting for their drivers in the cold hallways leading to the back door of Dream Center. Minho had ventured out to the garage at first, bundled up in his ratty DIY jeans and a parka, but came back in shivering and exaggeratedly chattering his teeth.

“Hell no,” he’d said, then sat down a comfortable distance from where Jennie was browsing Naver and pretending her leggings were adequate winter wear. She made a noise of agreement, twisting her ankle and trying not to fidget.

After a second of silence — or Minho rustling through his pockets for his phone — Jennie said, “Where are you off to tonight?”

Minho looked over at her and gave her a surprised smile.

“Studio,” he said. “Meeting up with the guys. Last-minute single stuff.”

“Right,” Jennie said. She heard about that — the rushed comeback and rushed single to match their rushed solos. “How’s it sound?”

“Good,” Minho said. “Poppy and light. Happy winter fun.”

“Happy WINNER,” Jennie said.

Minho laughed, leaning his head back against the wall. “Exactly! Exactly.”

“Cool,” Jennie mumbled, then raised her voice, trying to sound self-assured. “You’ll have to send me a spoiler.”

“Tsk tsk,” Minho said, but he unlocked his phone and scrolled through to an audio file, then held up the phone in the air between them. Jennie did a bit of a double-take — she didn’t actually expect him to show her anything — but obediently leaned in.

Before he played the file, though, Minho pulled the phone back and said, “You’re sworn to secrecy on this.”

Jennie said, “Yes, of course.”

“Don’t tell Seungyoon I showed you. He’s picky about his demos.”

“My lips are sealed,” Jennie said.

“I trust you, Jennie Kim,” Minho said, and then played the file.

It was cute and poppy, like he said. She praised the vocals, and Minho pointed out the guitar line, and she told him she was excited to hear the finished product. He thanked her, and then they turned back to their phones, the atmosphere a bit lighter.

Now she’s trying to read about Christmas variety lineups and getting distracted by notifications from the group chat, a steady stream, all from Chaeyoung.

She opens Katalk.

**Rosie** 🌹 **17:03** pup update!!!  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:03** IMG-1499.jpg  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:04** IMG-1500.jpg  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:04** IMG-1501.jpg  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:04** they’re getting so big,,,,  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:05** still working on the kidnapping plans  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:05** think we’re allowed to bring home another pet???? kkkkkkk  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:11** also u GUYS the twice repackage  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:11** album  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:12** w/e  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:12** it’s so good omg  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:13** when will nayeon-unnie notice us??   
**Jichuuu 17:17** Rosie I gave u her number!!!!!!  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:17** shhhhh

She’s nervous-texting. Jennie switches to their private chat.

**Jennie 17:21** where are u bb  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:21** the big recording rooms haha  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:21** minsung-oppa is late  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:22** i just want to go home  
**Jennie 17:22** i’m gonna come hang  
**Jennie 17:22** music core just ended  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:22** awh you don’t have to  
**Jennie 17:23** too late :)  
**Jennie 17:23** catching a ride w minho-oppa  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:23** o ok!  
**Rosie** 🌹 **17:23** tell him to write a song for me   
**Jennie 17:24** lol i’ll see what i can do

“Actually,” Jennie starts before she’s even locked her phone, guessing correctly that she’s braver when Minho’s not looking at her. 

Minho hums. He looks up, and Jennie stares at Kuma’s face on her lock screen for a second before looking over at him.

“I might come with you. To the studios. If that’s okay.”

She’s running out of steam fast. Isn’t it rude, kind of, to impose like this? Minho must be tired from the performance, and he still has to work — he probably wants some alone time.

“Oh,” Minho says, and he doesn’t sound put out at all. “Sure, Jennie-yah. Of course.” She smiles at him quickly and fumbles with her touch ID, gets halfway through an apology to her driver before he says, “Are you working on something?”

“Oh,” Jennie says. “No.” She rolls around a few white lies on her tongue before saying, “Chaeyoung’s there for a meeting about her solo right now, and I think she’s nervous.”

“Ahh,” Minho says. He looks at her, and then at her fidgeting hands. “It’s good that you’re there for her,” he says.

Jennie shrugs.

Minho says, “I mean it.”

Jennie looks over at him. “I try,” she says.

  

20181216 Inkigayo   
JENNIE (제니) - ‘SOLO’ third win

 

It’s the last night. It’s the _last_ night.

She’s been waiting for this for ages, consciously and subconsciously both, but now that it’s here she’s suddenly sick with nostalgia. She loves this song! She’s loved performing it, loved watching herself perform. She doesn’t know why she was so down on it for so long — it’s been wonderful.

The stage goes like a dream. By the end of it she’s sweaty and smiling, getting good-luck pinches from her dancer unnies before the lights even get all the way down.

She feels good. It’s made her feel good, this solo thing, even the sticky parts. She’ll be sad to see it go. 

But as she and Minho and the rest of the huddle come out under the lights one more time for awards, she’s not thinking about herself. She’s not thinking about anything at all, really, just turning her face up to the cameras and watching the numbers flick by on the live feed and thinking, _Hey, how sweet. How nice_.

She wins one last time.

She wins, and she grins her way through her speech, making sure to thank everyone she forgot last time; she mentions blinks and giggles as the crowd roils; she listens to the first chords of her song, _her song_ , filter through the speakers and gets butterflies in her stomach. She bows to everyone around her, and then the crowd shifts and she’s bowing to Minho, who is grinning at her so wide.

_Minho_ , she thinks, filled with joy and relief.

He crows into the mic when she shoves it at him, and laughs at his own awkwardness, and sticks with her all the way through the encore, stumbling around with her dancers and kicking his gangly limbs and making her laugh so hard she can’t sing. Then, as they finally filter offstage with the show dying down around them, he takes a running start and grabs her by the waist, whooping and spinning her around once.

“Jennie-yah,” he sings to the beat of her song, and puts her down.

“Oppa,” she sings back, her heart fluttering all light. 

“You did well,” he says, and ruffles her hair affectionately as she turns to look at him. The dancers part on either side of them. “I’m proud of you.”

That means a lot. She doesn’t really know how to explain to him how much it means. She says, “I had so much fun. This is—this has been great.”

Minho nods. He looks at her with this good fond smile, like she’s his equal, like she’s his labelmate and his coworker and his friend, who released a cool song and showed it to the world and was returned with affection in kind.

Suddenly it’s a lot: that they’re going back to lives and groups and the awkward in-between of sunbae boys and hoobae girls, to his number in her phone, unlisted because they never talk.

Like he was thinking the same thing, he says, “We should keep in touch.” He hesitates, but she looks at him openly, and he says, “You and your members. My members as well. I know we don’t see each other much, but,” he shrugs. “That sucks. We should.”

_We should_ , Jennie thinks. She thinks of how alone she’s felt through this whole thing; about how alone Chaeyoung felt yesterday, waiting for brand new frightening news; how alone they all feel, sometimes, even though there are four of them.

There’s no reason for that, she decides. They’re not alone. They shouldn’t have to feel like they are.

“Thank you,” she says to Minho. “Seriously.”

He cocks his head and smiles, shy with his shining teeth. “What? Why?”

Before the courage floods out as quickly as it flooded in, Jennie pushes forward and hugs him. She wraps his arms around his waist and feels him jerk in surprise before relaxing into it. He settles his arms around her shoulders; his hand touches her hair.

“You’ve been really nice to me,” she says against his chest.

“Jennie—” he starts.

“Shush, oppa,” she says. “I’m just happy.”

“Aw,” he whispers. He fits his chin against her head. She doesn’t feel alone at all.

**Author's Note:**

> THEY'RE JUST SO NICE TO EACH OTHER!!!
> 
>  
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/_madanach)


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